As we’ve hoped and predicted?
It’s left me untethered, which is a word my blog software doesn’t recognize, so that makes two of us.
The people in my life, near and far have been amazing. Checking in. Treating me to a first-day-of-school pedicure. Checking in more. Sharing stories. Laughing. The Swedelock is making our extreme new schedule work, even though it sometimes means bed time starts right when Daddy gets home.
The first two weeks, I spent six hours each day in constant, panicked motion. I got a million things done, none of which are apparent. And I can’t tell you what any of them are. There is a giant pile of clothes in the office which do not bring me joy. You wanna come look at them?
Saturday I went to a yoga class for the first time since moving here, and it drained off so much of the anxiety that it was horrible. I went back to a yoga class today, wrestling with the luxury of that act, the appropriative nature of it all, and set my intention as: don’t let the anger run you out the door.
My blog software also doesn’t recognize appropriative. Which is how I feel: unrecognized.
I had few problems adjusting my ego to being a stay-at-home parent and homemaker. This new thing, however, is hard. And the first one of you who tries to tell me to calm down or to take a drink is going on The List. Careful. You might already be there. I’m sober, and I’m refocusing. You might not want my attention.
My anxiety is 10% usual “child growing up” stuff. Maybe 5%. Because 95% of it is OH MY LORD FOOD ALLERGIES!
One day last week, for drop-off, I gave a kiss and said, “There’s your line, see you later!” Then I got home and slapped my forehead. Oh, right. No designated medically-aware adult has sight of him until the bell rings; I need to stick around in case of emergency. Will there be an emergency? Probably not. But the next day in line I got to ask a kid to wipe, then wash his hands after he was done eating a peanut butter granola bar. So maybe.
To sum up, my starting school experience is: “LATER, GATEROHSHITNO WAIT I FORGOT I HAVE TO LITERALLY KEEP YOU SAFE AND ALIVE OHSHITNO I HAVE TO HELP OTHER PEOPLE TO DO THAT.”
Also, The Child is writing numbers, and sings a song that involves the phrase “boogie on down.” He drew a lion and neither of his parents could believe he did it himself. He is excited and exhausted. That makes two of us.