On typical night, it takes The Child 90 minutes to STFU, and go to sleep. It’s rare for him to be upset. There’s nothing for him to play with in there. He’s just…hooting, whirring, ululating. Like you do alone in your room for a couple hours each night.
And before you ask, here is a list of the things we have tried to get him to sleep better:
A few nights ago The Child kept himself up longer than usual. Four hours. Four hours of non. stop. talking. What we could hear of it was hilarious. Hilarious if you weren’t thinking about the fact that it was nearly midnight, and you wanted to be asleep.
Predictably, the following day was insanity. Pediatricians call this a sh*t storm. Despite the stormy morning, he did take a nap. And when he woke up–curled up on his hope chest (?!)–he insisted on solitude. For an hour and a half.
The second time he not-so-politely kicked me out of his room, I eavesdropped for five minutes at his door. The following is a transcription. Those of you who have put pen to paper while tripping on acid will recognize much of this soliloquy.
You can’t make a mess in the bedroom. You can’t make a mess in the living room, either. Oh, I like that hotel. I like hotels. You know why? You know why? I like hotels in Daddy’s work. I like Daddy’s work. I like the elevators at Daddy’s work.
What else? Wait, wait. Here. Here is the hotel. And the air conditioner. The aaaaaair conditioner. It isn’t on. It’s off. [Sound effects of air conditioner.] I’ll go right here and I’ll look at it. But we are gonna have to…
I like. I like to go down the elevator. I like to go downstairs. [AAAAAAAAA sound.] I got my…whooooooops. So. I want. You just went to Meijer. Wait. You did go to Meijer. I want to go to a hotel, please. You go to a store. Or a hotel, too.
Like. Like. [Inaudible.] Like Meijer at Daddy’s work, at a hotel. And Daddy’s work. Ya. That’s no. That’s all the stores we get. No. No. No Meijer. No hotel. No.
[Mumbles into pillow.]
Could you sleep with all that going on in there? At least when he takes a creative writing class, he will have no problem with the stream-of-consciousness exercises.